The students in my dojang are all young and inexperienced. None of them are natural born fighters. In fact, I would say that most of them are very gentle people. Each has his or her physical and mental talents. Some are strong, fast, or flexible, and others have a natural aptitude for strategy. All of these skills can be molded for use in self-preservation, however, none of them are of any use without the right attitude. Having the right attitude can mean the difference between life and death.
Attitude comes from several sources, your view of the world, your view of yourself, and your values system. In this blog, I will break down how those sources effect your attitude, and how to develop the right attitude for surviving a fight. This post isn’t a magic pill. Reading it will not automatically make you a great fighter. However, it will help you to begin the process of steeling your mind for the fight you may one day need to survive.
Let’s begin with your view of the world. Look around you. How do you classify your environment? Most likely, if you are in the US or another “first world” country, you feel pretty safe on an average day. Fortunately, we have been blessed to live in a society where acts of violence are still relatively rare compared with some places on the globe. However, if you always assume that the world is going to continue to leave you in peace, when the danger comes, you will be unprepared. Think about this, according to national statistics, 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted within their lifetime. Most of those assaults will happen in the teen and early adulthood years. Therefore, if you are a woman between the ages of 13 and 40, there is a fairly high chance that someone will assault you in the near future. In 2015, there were approximately 238 assaults (non-sexual) for every 100,000 people in the US. That doesn’t seem like too much until you consider that this statistic is 3 years old and ONLY includes simple assault and only those reported to law enforcement. All this means, is that you cannot guarantee when you walk out the house in the morning that you will return to it safely in the afternoon. Being aware of the possibilities is the first step in surviving a possible altercation. Practice looking for possible threats and planning your escape routes and responses.
The second factor that contributes to a survivor attitude is your view of yourself. It seems like the buzzwords of the day are “Anxiety”, “Depression”, and “phobia”. While these mental states can often be caused by external sources or chemical imbalances, many times, they can be attributed to an incorrect view of one’s self. By the time my students reach their first belt test, all of them will have heard me say something like “You are a precious, unique creation of God and you are WORTH DEFENDING!”. So many things in our world seem to be designed to make us feel insignificant and unworthy of life. However, the creator of the universe thought it important enough to hand make each and every one of us in our mother’s womb. If He values us that much, we must have worth, and we should take good care of the creation God made us to be. Sometimes that means eating right and staying active, and sometimes that means defending ourselves to protect the body and mind that God designed for us. It is ABSOLUTELY ok to defend yourself. Still not convinced? Think about it this way: by defending yourself against an attacker, you may inadvertently prevent that attacker from gaining confidence (or ability) to attack someone else. Don’t think you are worth it? What about all the other people that “bad guy” might attack if you don’t discourage him? Spend some time searching your heart to see whether you believe you are worth defending. Look at all the people who love and depend on you. Consider how your incapacity or death affect those around you.
The final factor in developing a survival attitude is your values system. Fortunately, in the US, most of us have been taught to value peace and community. We are taught from a very young age to be quiet and fit in with society. Unless you are a performer or pro-athlete, we are all taught not to draw attention to ourselves. These values are useful and even necessary for society to run smoothly. However, in certain situations, they become a terrible burden. For instance, you are sitting at a restaurant eating your favorite meal when you suddenly begin to choke. However, for most of your life, you have been taught not to cause a scene or inconvenience strangers. So you get up quietly and make your way to the restroom hoping that you can deal with this on your own. By the time someone realizes you need help, it is too late. This isn’t just hypothetical. People have died in this very way because their societal values prevented them from reaching out for the help they needed. Society expects us to be gentle, calm, and quiet. In order to survive an attack, we must be the exact opposite. We must YELL for help. We must strike VIOLENTLY. We must take hold of the adrenaline rush and PROPEL ourselves to escape and safety. The only way I know of to overcome the ingrained social norms is to practice acting outside of them in a safe environment. Take a self-defense or martial arts class that provides an opportunity for you to see how you will really react in a dangerous situation. Feel the adrenaline rush and learn how to use it to your advantage rather than suppressing it.
As you begin to dig into your own psyche, you may be surprised at what you are capable of. Remember to always keep the goal of survival and escape foremost in your mind. If you forget that you are trying to accomplish good goals, you may spin out into more violent and uncontrolled thoughts than you wish to entertain. If you can, spend some time talking over your mental process with someone who can help you to balance your assessments with wisdom and experience. I hope you will find the mentality you need to live a healthy, safe, and confident life!