The other day, I was talking with my wife, and I had an epiphany. As far as I can remember, I have never heard anyone say they were glad they didn’t get their black belt. In the course of running our dojang, we speak to many parents who did some martial arts “as a kid”. Often, they will tell us that they didn’t get their black belt, and they wish they had. I realize that there is some bias to the data because the parents who bring their children to us already have a positive (or at least neutral) opinion of martial arts training. Maybe there are hundreds of people out there who are glad they quit martial arts. I’ve just never net one. Have you?
Here are some of the reasons I think people wish they had completed their black belt training.
1. Accomplishment. Whether you intend on becoming a lifelong martial artist or not, a black belt rank is presented to everyone as something worth achieving. Those that have reached such a rank in any school are given a special respect or deference. People know that getting to that goal takes a lot of effort and should indicate a level of personal discipline. People want to feel like they have “done something” in their lives.
2. Confidence. In this day and age, many people struggle with understanding their own worth. They have a lot of anxiety wondering if they are good enough. Just like getting a diploma from high school or college, people assign their own worth by the piece of paper they have on their shelf. It isn’t really the correct way to see ourselves, but wester society often values people by their individual accomplishments. When we carry a black belt, we feel that we have more value than we did before receiving it.
3. Mystery. The seventies and eighties brought us some of the most iconic martial arts films ever made. Whether it was “Enter the Dragon”, “The Karate Kid”, or “The 36 Chambers of Shaolin”, the movies portrayed martial arts masters as almost (if not entirely) superhuman. Not only that, but many of the ninja and kung fu flicks presented martial arts as something secret that was only shared with a select group. People have an innate desire to search out and uncover secrets. We all want to be “in the know” and most of us want to be considered special or important. These days, the reality of martial arts training is easily accessible for everyone. If you really want to, you can study the movements and philosophies of the great masters while sitting in your armchair at home. There aren’t any real secrets left in the martial arts, just hard work and determination. Fortunately for martial arts instructors, some of the mystery still seems to surround our arts and draw people in for a closer look.
4. Power/control. The world is a crazy place. Things happen all the time that seem to be completely out of our control. People are looking anywhere and everywhere for something that will give them a feeling of control over the world around them. Martial artists who attain a black belt at a reputable school tend to be more calm and take life in stride. People often assume that this ability stems from their confidence in their own fighting skill. While that is part of it, mostly it comes down to having experienced really difficult stuff. Skilled black belts have gone through hours upon hours of training when their bodies and minds were physically exhausted. They have struggled and failed and struggled again. They have had the snot beaten out of them at least once or twice and they have been taught to get up again and keep going. It isn’t their skill that makes them powerful and peaceful, it is their understanding of difficulty and their own developed resilience.
In the end, I don’t believe that people regret not having a black band of cloth to hang on their wall. I think they regret not becoming the kind of person they saw wearing those black belts. Whether they understand that or not, isn’t for me to say, but I suspect if they were really put to it, they would say the same. So, if you are one of those parents who look back with regret on the experience they missed, I have some good news for you. It is never too late to become a better version of yourself. You may not be physically able to do the things you could as a teenager, but you can still become the kind of person that can wear a black belt proudly. I hope that you will take the plunge, find a martial arts school near you, and start your journey to a new and better you!