Self-Defense: What is Worth Dying For?

It has been a long day. Monday’s are typically hard, but this one takes the cake. You are exhausted and have a long commute back home, so you stop in a convenience store to grab a snack and some caffeine for the road. It occurs to you that traffic on I-35 is probably backed up again, so you had better stop in the restroom while you still can. You enter a deserted little restroom at the back of the store and proceed to take care of nature’s call. While in your stall, you hear someone else enter the restroom, but don’t really pay much attention. This is a busy gas station, particularly at this time of day. You finish your business and go to the sink to wash your hands, as you look down to turn the water on, a vicelike hand grabs your shoulder and spins you into the wall! You are surprised to see a skinny man in his forties wielding a small knife and staring at you with a mixture of fear and anger in his eyes. “GIVE ME YOUR STUFF!” He says.

                At this point, you have three choices: Take immediate and violent action to remove the knife from the threat along with his will or ability to fight, Try to talk the man out of completing his mission, or Give him everything in your pockets/purse in the hope that he will be satisfied. Each of these options have their benefits and problems. Option 1 would save your ego and put your martial arts training to use, but it might also get you killed or at least badly cut. You might also go to jail for assault and battery, remember, there are no witnesses in this bathroom and criminals are professional liars. Option 2 also has the advantage of saving your ego, however, this criminal knows that he has a very limited time window in which to pull off the robbery before someone else comes into the bathroom and complicates the situation. He might get agitated and attack hoping to get something of value from you by force. Maybe you win, maybe you lose. Chances are good that whatever the outcome, you will be seriously injured in the process. Option 3 feels wrong in the moment. You don’t get to tell anyone how you single handedly defeated an armed robber, you lose all your stuff, and you have to deal with weeks of inconvenience replacing ID’s and credit cards. Let’s think about it for a moment though….

                Your attacker is what Rory Miller (Author of “Facing Violence”) calls a “resource predator”. This is a pretty accurate name considering the situation. The man holding you at knife point has made it very clear that he wants something that you have. He is looking for resources. In all probability, he is a druggy trying to support his habit. Resource predators are not nearly as scary as “process predators”. In fact, they will usually tell you exactly what you have to do to get rid of them. In this case, the man wants money and/or valuables. The simple solution is to give him what he wants.

                Think about the things you have with you. A cell phone, some cash, your fancy watch or necklace, ID’s, credit cards, car keys, and maybe some other odds and ends. Each one of these things is replaceable. While it may be inconvenient to deal with that, it is still true. There is almost nothing in your pockets or purse that is worth dying for. It is all just plastic and paper. Those things don’t rank much when the stakes include your life and health. So you give everything you have to this criminal, then what? Most likely, in this situation, he will take everything you give him and leave the scene with all haste. He may even steal your car, but he left you alive. That is a WIN!

                The situation might be different if you have your children with you, or if the attack happens in a more secluded area where the criminal may choose to follow up with other, more violent, forms of resource acquirement… It is always vital to consider the situation you are in before deciding how to act. The question you have to ask yourself is simple: What is worth dying for? If you answer this question now, it will be much easier to make decisions if you are ever attacked.  For more on this subject, I recommend Mr. Miller’s book “Facing Violence” It is an excellent resource for adults who want to know more about preparing for an attack.