Many years ago, I was introduced to a movie that has become somewhat of a cult classic. I thoroughly enjoyed the film, but there was one quote that has stuck with me. “Princess Bride” wasn’t terribly popular at the time it was released, but throughout the last 36 years it has continued to collect followers and is now frequently quoted by people of all ages. The movie starred an odd assortment of cast members including Cary Elwiss, Robin Wright, Andre Roussimoff, and Wallace Shawn. There was a comedic air to the entire film, but occasionally, the screen writer (William Goldman), would drop a nugget of wisdom that stuck out amongst the action and comedy of the film. I think that is one reason why the movie has been so popular through the years.
In an emotional scene where the two young protagonists are reunited, Elwiss’s character shouts,
“Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says different is selling something.”
It seems obvious that such a quote would come from someone who has endured many hardships. To be sure, the character in question had certainly been through a lot. However, I venture to say that many people would be shocked to hear someone say something like that seriously. Our innate understanding is that life is supposed to be full of joy and pleasant experiences. Unfortunately, the reality is something very different. We ALL experience pain. Whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, pain is a part of our daily lives. While life itself isn’t defined as pain, no one goes through life without experiencing plenty of it. So, if we know that pain is coming, what should we do about it?
In my experience, there are a few primary ways to deal with pain:
1. Avoid It at All Costs – This method may include hiding from any difficult situation that arises, trying to cover up any difficulty, or simply leaving every time pain peeks over the horizon of our life. Unfortunately, this method almost always leads to more pain for others and eventually ourselves. It’s like ignoring a splinter until it grows infected and requires medical intervention.
2. Stuff It – This is similar to avoiding in that the person tries to make the pain disappear as quickly as possible by hiding the memory and emotional reaction from it deep in their consciousness. The downside is that they never deal with it until it becomes overwhelming and eventually destroys them or someone they love.
3. Over-React – The person who does this, allows themselves to be overtaken by the emotional reaction to pain. Many times, this results in a complete inability to walk through the painful situation. They collapse into a puddle of fear and sadness or explode in anger and abuse. Neither of these reactions help them to achieve growth and both can cause more pain and difficulty for those around them.
4. Accept the Inevitable – This reaction can tend a little more toward the healthy side, but without a second step, it becomes depressing and eventually causes the person to be unable to make progress. Pain is expected and disappointment becomes the status quo.
5. Partner with the Pain – This is by far the healthiest of all the options discussed thus far. The individual who chooses this path understands that pain is going to come, and that they must endure it, but that they can also use it as motivation and education to make their lives more fulfilling and enjoyable.
The founder of Taekwondo, General Choi Hong Hi, is quoted as saying “Pain is a great teacher, but no one wants to attend his class”. If you are reading this, I can pretty much guarantee that you are old enough to have experienced some pain. Whether it is physical or emotional, pain is something we all deal with. The question is, what will you do with it? Will you allow it to destroy you, or will you accept it and allow yourself to learn from it?